02/20/2006 06:11 AM
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gammawbecky
Posts: 319
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Nikki - I, too, have felt the same feelings you are right now. My journey has included seven years of knee problems and pain - plus 13 surgeries to get it right. During this time, I had to give up my job that I loved. I cried for weeks and weeks - every time I thought about it. I questioned God, "What am I to be learning here???" The best I can figure is I was being taught patience and trust that 1. I would make it thru this trial and 2. that God really does know what He is doing. I have finally hit the end of my journey since the last two surgeries were done at Mayo Clinic and they cleared long standing infections and implanted a Total Knee Replacement right. Since this November, I can finally walk again with no pain and I'm finally free of the prison of knee problems. Now is the time to see what God has in mind for my life. Once again, I am being patient and open to ANYTHING even tho' it probably won't include my job I loved so.
I agree that you are the ideal patient for some kind of anti-depressant....as long as you are willing to let go of the past and look forward to the future. And, if what we believe about God's love and faithfulness to us is true....you have a wonderful life to look forward to. Perhaps you can think about going back to school and get an education that can serve the yearning of your heart and satisfy you. You know, "Anything is possible....".
Good luck, sweetie. It does get better. By the way, be very careful in choosing a knee doctor. It can make all the difference.
Becky (e-mail me if you would like. I would love to help all I can)
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02/10/2005 09:05 AM
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Wyn19606
Posts: 11
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I've just read your post, and must say how sorry I am that you feel so low because of your injury and your inability to play soccer at the moment. I personally don't believe in God, but do believe in positive thinking. I'm now in my early 50's and have been a top class rugby player in my time (both amateur and professional). Having a cartilage removed from my knee when I was 23 eventually led to my having to retire at 28 years of age because of osteoathritis - I simply couldn't sprint anymore. How did I feel - resentful!! What I did instead was take up long distance running, and even started a running club. I'm certainly not an ideal build for this sort of exercise, but it enabled me to get over my frustration at giving up my rugby career. I ended up running 100's of races including 13 marathons, and can honestly say that in the end this purely personal challenge was far more satisfying than anything achieved on the rugby pitch. I am sure that you will overcome this set-back, and either find a surgeon who can fix your problem, or you will adapt and get involved with another physical activity. You never know, it might turn out to be as or even more rewarding than your soccer career!! Whatever the future holds, take a positive look at your life, forget about blaming God or anyone else and get on with it. Incidentally, my knee has now given up completely, and I am waiting for a knee replacement - guess what? - I can't run anymore!!!!! BUT -I WILL be back on my bike at some stage, and am currently getting better and better at swimming which was an activity I used to hate with a passion. Good luck Wyn
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01/13/2005 02:13 AM
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AngelicNikki
Posts: 54
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The love of my life: soccer... Yes, I love my family! I love my dog! And I love my boyfriend of (almost) four years... But the love of my life is soccer. I played from the day I could walk! My older brother played and I played right along with him! I always said I wanted to get a full ride to play soccer in college! I played on a team since age 4 and played at a premier level club from age 9. I was honored at the state and regional level and played in many international tournaments. Not to boast, but I was not just "good for our little town" - I had a good amount of natural talent! And the rest I worked for! I practiced for 6-10 hrs a week with my team and at least an hour every night (regardless of whether I had had team practice). I played on a boys' U-16 soccer team when I was only 13... I was better than most of the guys... Unfortunately that was the problem! One guy on the other team was very upset about this and took me out - leading me to tear my ACL and start a world full of problems! This was right before 8th grade. By 9th grade I recovered and played for my club and high school teams. I started varsity as a freshman and earned conference honors. In 10th grade, I started to have some pain again and it got worse in 11th grade. By 12th grade, I just couldn't play! I thought after another surgery things would get better... They haven't! I 'm now 19 and it has been only about 6 months since I haven't played, but I just can't take it! If I see someone wearing a soccer shirt, kicking a ball (or just kicking anything!), or hear someone talk about playing, I feel like breaking down and crying! I thought the feelings would subside eventually but it is only getting worse! I feel like a major part of me has been ripped out of my heart! All my dreams (of a full ride, playing professionally) have been cut off! I showed a lot of promise and had a ton of coaches after me in my junior year and even still some in my senior year (ones that felt I could come back from the injury). It's all lost... I can barely walk, can't do stairs, and certainly can't play! I am only allowed to swim and lift upper body. I just have a hard time seeing why this has happened to me. I ask God all the time why he has done this to me and how I am supposed to use this to serve him... I haven't seen an answer yet... I have a hard time being motivated about anything anymore. It all seems worthless and mundane. I JUST WANT TO PLAY! I know there's no hope but it doesn't stop me from wishing, from questioning...
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