depression from pain

I understand where you are because I was also into all kinds of sports (football, rugby, basketball, skiing, hiking, mountain biking, etc). I grew up in Alberta, Canada, and had dreams of playing football for an American college (I was being scouted in my senior year). I started having knee problems during my last year of high school and spoke to my doctor about my prognosis if I kept playing football and/or rugby. He told me that if I continued to play, I would be on a cane by the time I was 40. I was trying to be forward thinking in terms of what my future family life would be like and decided that I would rather have many years of active living with my wife and kids than a few more years on the football field. So, in the interes of my future family I gave up football. This was a very difficult choice for me, because I was very dedicated to my training, and at age 18 was 6' 4" and 235 lbs with virtually no body fat. Most people would like at a guy my size and think that I could not jump, but I was just a few inches shy of hooking my elbow over the rim when I dunked the basketball. I am not trying to toot my own horn here, just to say that I was a tuned athlete and serious about an active lifestyle.

It's a rude awakening when you discover your mortal. I am now 40, living in Texas in a beautiful area, have five terrific kids (aged 5-14), and a wife that I am crazy about, each of which is a gifted athlete. But my dreams of being active with them have vaporized. Severe Chondromalacia Patellae, a reconstructed ankle and 6 knee scopes later, I have been robbed of my active lifestyle and I have been forced to give ALL of my sports. When I get up from a chair I walk like a 90 year old man until my knees loosen up again. Even a 15 minute family walk will leave my knees swollen and stiff. I have been told by an orthopedic surgeon that I will need knee replacement, but for now I have to make due because I am too you to be considered a candidate. I don't know what they expect me to do until they figure I'm old enough to get new knees.

The bottom line is that chronic pain sucks, and I have suffered with depression, sometimes severe, because of it. I would like to offer you a little advice as someone that truly knows how you are feeling.

- Find a pain management doctor. There are doctors that specialize in helping people with chronic pain. You do not need to endure pain when there are doctors that can help. You need to take control of your pain and remember that you have the pain, the pain does not have you. When you get with a good pain management doctor, be very open with him/her and make sure that you respect the program they put you on, i.e. don't abuse pain killers or they will cut you off in a heartbeat.

- Express who you are in alternative ways. If your body will not do everything you would like it to, find other ways to express yourself creatively. I work with wood, make handmade knives, coach one of my son's soccer teams, etc. If you keep yourself busy, the pain will move into the background and you will find happiness through other means.

- Do things that make you feel good. Read a book, watch the sun set, meditate, and if you feel inclined pray. Take time to notice the good things around you. Chronic pain can be a great distractor from the rest of the world, but if you focus on other things it will become far less of a distractor.

- Bring a few people into your circle of trust. I would advise not to tell everyone you know about your suffering because they will come to see you as a negative person. However, identify a few people that you explicitly trust and let them know what is happening with your health and ask them if you can lean on them in times of need. Ask them before you hit a low point with the depression so that you know you have a support system when you need it.

- Develop your inner spirituality. I am not going to suggest one religion or another, though I will suggest that you strive to develop your spiritual self in a way that seems appropriate to you. My hope for you is that you will come to understand that there is a purpose in all things and I would suggest that you try to gain an understanding of what it is you are supposed to get out of this situation. It could be that this will help you develop great compassion for someone else that may come to you with a similar situation.

- Learn to think positively. Your thoughts literally have a strong influence on your brain chemistry. If you learn to seek the positive in our situation and in the world around you, you will become a happier person.

I did not intend to right a book, but your comments said something to me and I wanted to share my experience with you with the hope that you will find happiness.

Good luck,

DJ

When I was 15 i had my first knee surgery on my acl, meniscus, tendons, and a muscle graph. Then i had two more when i was 16 on my meniscus and then another one when i was 17 on my meniscus. now at 18 i hurt my knee again. I think i tore my meniscus again but the doctors are saying i didn't. I have been on crutches now for a month and a half and if anything the pain has only gotten worse. Basketball started a couple weeks ago and that's what has made me so depressed. Basketball is my favorite sport and I can't play. I can't do anything. The most fun i have is sitting at home being bored. Or trying to sleep, but I can't sleep either cause of the pain. My life has been put on hold for three years now and it really sucks. I don't understand why all of this has to happen to me and i just want to be normal. But through all of this i found my skills at art and writing so i try to make the best out of everything but i think everyone gets depressed when they are taken away from something they love and they have no control over it. You just need to find something else to keep yourself busy.

we can all thank the dea and the dealers for making us suffer!

Hi Sue,my name is Bill.Last November I had my left knee joint replaced,it is great pain wise,but now the right knee needs total replacement and I am suffering from depression associated with the ongoing pain,the wait for the surgery and being unable to be very active. Whilst I have approximately 90 degrees movement in the right knee,and very little if any pain,the amount of pain medication my doctor has me on for both the knee pain in the right joint and other problems with my back makes me very lethargic etc.
No denying the post knee replacement recovery time is painful for a short time,however it's well worth it given my positive result I experienced with the left one.Regards Bill

Thanks for your suggestion. I'll give it a try. Anything is worth trying. Between the stress of pain and famly worries and worry over future surgery I think I'm going crazy sometimes. Everyone seems to come to me when they want an errand run or phone calls to be made and I can't hardly take care of myself much less everyone else. Thanks for the advice.

I had a left TKR in september 2004, my 5th surgery. And this time they used an epidural on me and I would have it any other way. Just tell your doctor you are nervous. I was not aware of anything when I had my TKR, no sound, I didn't wake up and don't remember anything. I was given a light sedative before surgery and the epidural was put in after I was asleep. I rather the epidural then the way they did it before.

I need to vent. I have had 6 knee sugeries reconstructive surgery on both knees. Now I have had BAD pain in my left knee on my MRI report it said" severe tricompartmental degenerative change, most marked involving the patellofemoral joint." Can someone help me understand this?? Thanks so much!!!!!

Well I went to the Dr. today and he took x-rays of both knees. The bad one is worse he says. It is bone on bone and he said stay off of it as much as possible and try to lose weight which is hard to do if you can't be on your feet. He gave me a shot in my good knee and said it was getting worse. I ask a lot of questions about knee replacement and he made me feel a little better but I'm still scared to death of the pain after surgery. I'm going to try to wait untill the first of the year to do it. I just have too many responiblites in my family to do it now. I am so depressed tonight. It's not knowing what will happen from day to day thats so hard and the continual dread of the surgery. Well I'll quit complaining for tonight and go to bed. Thanks for being there.

Thanks for the support. I guess I'm just a 59 year old baby. Your going through a lot more than I am and you just keep on going and are there for others. I wish I could be that strong. I am so scared of post op pain, thats all I think about. I have grandkids that I worry and stress over and I am a worrier big time and I don't handle stress well. Hope you get better and Thanks again for being there. I'm there for you too anytime.

It sounds to me like you couldn't be much worse off by going ahead with the TKR and chances are better than not that it will go well. Sometimes you just have to do SOMETHING - even if it is scary. As Dr. Phil says "is this WORKIN' FOR YA?" I know exactly what you mean about riding the cart and being embarrassed and also looking at the messes in the house and not being able to clean. You know, our husbands get spoiled when we are healthy and at full speed. You have to "retrain" them a little for these down times. My husband likes me to make a list of things I want him to do. He says it's not that he doesn't want to do things, he just doesn't think about it or can't remember what's most important to ME. I guess it's a Mars and Venus thing, but the list seems to work pretty good. I have found that most men are either blind to messes and dirt, or they've found if they ignore it long enough it miraculously gets done!! I was the perfectionist around here for so long, that I have had to learn tons of patience to realize my limitations. I have always done everything like I was killing snakes or something and those days are just over now at 53. Never, ever did I expect a knee replacement and chronic pain at this age. Of course, it's taken me over 3 years with 2 knee surgeries, neuropathy, arthrofibrosis and then patella infera, losing my Dad, my mother becoming a vegetable from a stroke and being on hospice for 2+ years, euthanizing 3 dogs (we're dog parents) and pulling one drowned out of our pool and a frozen shoulder for 6 months plus surgery on that to get here. Now I have rampant, painful fibrocystic lumps in my breasts for which a subcutaneous mastectomy has been recommended! I've just had to put that on hold until my shoulder recovers. Only ONE recovery at a time. It's almost gotten funny waiting for the next medical malady to surface! I'm convinced stress has a great deal to do with alot of my medical problems. The point here is not to whine, but just to let you know that you will survive. I admit to getting psychiatric help and drugs for depression which I highly recommend. I even hated to do that as I have always been so strong and able to handle anything. I got very tired of crying and feeling useless most every day. So know that there are many of us out here who understand and will offer what we can to help - if nothing else but to listen. Just ride that cart with ATTITUDE, ask for help, and give your husband a list of things you really want/need done. Just remember how many times you dusted and vacuumed around him while he was reading the paper or watching TV! Get a good book, prop your feet up and just "enjoy watching your man do housework!!!" Just remember not to criticize HOW he does it - just accept the attempt at help and thank him profusely when he's done. Men like to know they "fixed" something, if even your attitude. Hope you have a better day and weekend! Susan

Hi Kittyfuson: Sorry you're having a bad time with pain. I just wanted to offer a couple of things. First, remember that people who did NOT have any problems with a TK (and there ARE alot), don't typically go to these forums. You're mostly hearing from the problem patients here. Second, before you have a TKR, find out how your surgeon will handle the pain, and ongoing pain if it happens. Also, line up a "pain specialist" in case you need one. Some doctors are quite reluctant to prescribe pain killers beyond a certain time regardless of your pain and you should have an alternative. I just had surgery for a "frozen shoulder" (adhesive capsulitis) last week and the hospital gave me a pamphlet about pain management. In summary, it said "unrelieved pain will slow your recovery" and "Addiction is EXTREMELY RARE among people treated for pain". There are many drugs and techniques to treat pain, and having a pain specialist, should you need one, may be the best way to go. You're right, it does feel better to vent. I feel bad that you don't have more outlets and support at home, but good friends and support can be found here. Don't feel bad either that others may seem to have more problems than you. Everything is relative to how it effects YOU, and that can't be compared. I've said before that I've made 2 great friends from this forum who I communicate with constantly (my "pain-pals"!). One I even talk to on the phone - sometimes for HOURS and we've never met! They are and have been more supportive than most of my family. Hang in there and keep venting!

Well people this is what the forum is all about it is to help and support each other!! : ) I must say it pisses me off to know that our men and service women cannot get proper medical attention. I am also Sorry to hear about you breast nodule. I was where you are 9 years ago at the age of 30. I had it removed and biopsied everything was fine. So hang in there. I have been through manipulation more times than I care to remember. it sucks I know. And Kittyfuson, may I suggest for your other knee try gloucosamine and coral calcium. both can be bought over the counter may take a couple months but it will help repair joint and bone damage. I am hanging in there, if either one of you need to talk please feel free to email me. Valori

I have posted an apology to the woman to whose post I replied so harshly. As for being angry, I passed angry a few months ago and am now furious. The Army postponed ACL surgery that should have been done in FEB 2003. The reason? MONEY!!!!!!!!!! The commander of the military hospital would NOT allow active duty soldiers to be referred out to civilian doctors. The ACL surgery could not be done at the hospital because they deployed all the anesthesiologists. By the time they finally got around to doing ANYTHING, the condition of the knee had degenerated to the point that TKA was the only solution. What makes me furious is knowing that the bottom line was money. Active duty soldiers were not referred out because it would cost the Army money. I am a SSG-I am CERTAIN that if I had been an O8, and not an E6, no one what have told me that I have to wait. At this point, I AM unfit for duty-the primary reason is my attitude. This TKA surgery has changed my life, and NOT for the better. Had the original ACL surgery been performed back in 1999 (I have copoies of my medical records now and read the doctor's report), then TKA surgery would not have been necessary. (I have that writing from the civilian surgeon who did the knee replacement surgery). The way I look at it, the Army wanted to save money on me so the MG's and LTG's could continue to receive THEIR big, fat paychecks every month. I am absolutely heartbroken about this. I WANT to face the medical board, IN PERSON, so I can tell them exactly what I told you. As far as the Army "taking care of its own", I think that applies only to officers. Those of us who are NCO's are, OBVIOUSLY, not even worth necessary health care.

I have read posts on here and nobody should be slamming anyone.I have come on here to say things I cannot share with my family.Because I feel they do not understand what it is I go through and I am thankful I found this forum,Because I can share what is going on with others and it helps to know I am not alone. I am 6 weeks post op now from my 4th revision surgery. I now have a 8 inch rod in my femur to hold the top prosthesis in. Recovery is slow and painful. And as much as I try not to be I find myself depressed and frustrated. Which I do not share with my family. It is much easier I guess to share with strangers. I do not feel that this makes me weak or that I am feeling pity for myself. everyone has a breaking point and I think after 16 some odd knee surgeries on the same knee I am entitled to have a breaking point, and entitled to mourn all things I can no longer do. After all we are all human.

Thank you so much Susan for saying what I was thinking in your post. I was beginning to think I should just keep my feelings to myself. I know I should't feel so sorry for myself and I'll try hard not to. It is so good to have someone to talk to that understands. Thank you so much.

I don't know if you read the posting from the woman who feels "so alone". BIG DEAL!! We come to this earth alone and we exit alone. I am fed up with people who expect everyone around them to continually prop them up and carry them. There are soldiers coming back from IRAQ with no legs, no arms, or worse-in body bags! FED UP WITH WHINERS

I read your post and I'm very sorry for the bad hand you've been dealt. No matter how bad someone's situation is there's allways someone else that is worse off. No matter how many people you have around you when your in pain and your scared you can still feel very alone. I have kids and grandkids but they have their own lives and can't allways be there for me.I hope everything works out for you and I wish you the very best.

Kittyfuson- I read your post and I just wanted to say that it is normal to be scared in a situation like this. Somtimes others won't understand what you are dealing with and how it can make you sad all the time. My only advice is to talk about it with others that have gone thru this stuff. I really felt how you described and then I started talking on these forums and it really had helped me. Hang in there!!!!Good luck

I just read the post from Susan and I just wanted to say that I may have to have total knee replacement and I am so scared. It's all I think about. I am on wellbutrin and Lortabs and I still stay depressed allmost all the time. I have such a low threshold for pain and have heard so many horror storys. Sometimes I don't know if I can take much more. I am 58 and am married but he doesn't understand and not much help.

Boy, I don't know about risking infection so lightly. I had an infected total knee and the "cure" is horrible. You can plan on two major surgeries - one to take the prosthesis out and one to put it back in at least 8 weeks later when the infection is cleared up. In the meanwhile, you have NO knee at all....just a hockey-puck looking thing between your bones and a non-weightbearing, totally straight leg. You get to give yourself IV antibiotics three times a day and let other people do everything else for you. I sure don't recommend it.